He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
accomplished twins. life is a go
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And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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