Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize