Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
