i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
