How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
