last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
