fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
