can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
