I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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