he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
