He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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