If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize