ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
