Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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