your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
