I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
two words...techno handjob
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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