she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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