Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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