I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
