we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
