is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
