Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
