But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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