Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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