I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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