I wanna bring you to show and tell
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come see our sink grown plant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
