one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
