I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
