i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
