you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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