Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
