Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
