worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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