pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
