dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
