dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
