umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
