Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My cat gives me a boner
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
