Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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