Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
