i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
