I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
