let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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