Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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