Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
