ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
