I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
