Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are we still banned from the library?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
