im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
