My sheets look like a crime scene.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
