Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
