The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
