It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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