i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
