I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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