i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
