She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
