Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
