i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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