dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
