Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
