Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
