It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
