you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
