508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
