matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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