it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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