thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Panties = found
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
