I just saw a hot homeless man
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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