First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
