My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
