Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
