I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
