I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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